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When Absurd is No Longer Absurd

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I have learned something very important about trying to be funny in today’s culture. However, before I share with you my well-learned lesson, I should take time to set the stage. Bring you in on my lesson, so to speak.

A friend of mine invited me to carpool to an upcoming event with a group of fellow ministers. Today, I happened to receive an email from one of those ministers asking if I would be willing to share in the driving duties. I was more than willing to help, so I planned to respond in the affirmative. However, being the way that I am, I also thought it would be fun to add a little humour to my response. In crafting the email I figured that I had to add just enough absurdity so that it would be both funny and obvious to the reader that I was joking. Here is what I wrote:

Hi Bob, (Name changed to protect the innocent)

Before I commit to driving I must disclose some minor quirks you might find in my personality. I will totally understand if after hearing what they are you choose to pick someone else to assist you in driving. Here we go:

1) When driving I must have COMPLETE control of the radio. Because of my short attention span I will switch stations every 30 seconds. I hope this will not be a problem.
2) I don’t like to use cruise control. Instead I pulse the gas pedal as I drive. Anyone who is prone to seasickness should likely bring medication.
3) I am attracted to shiny moving objects, which means I tend to swerve into oncoming traffic. Therefore, it is likely best if we take deserted/secluded dirt roads, or at the very least do so when I am driving.
4) I suffer from night terrors, which strangely enough only manifest when I am awake. Don’t worry, most of my passengers have told me they quickly become accustomed to the shrieks of terror. I only warn you, as the first dozen or so times this happens can be a little disconcerting for the uninitiated.
5) I suffer from OCD.
5) I suffer from OCD.
5) I suffer from OCD.

I am more than willing to help drive if you are still willing to have me – even after having disclosed all my minor quirks. As the day gets closer please be sure to remind me about our 10am appointment at Enterprise.

In Him
Jason

Well, it was obvious from his response I had failed miserably. He totally thought I was serious, and graciously offered to find someone else to drive. I quickly crafted a follow up email explaining my failed attempt at humour and reiterated my willingness to help drive. He admitted I had totally ‘got him’. So how in the world could that happen? How could I get a person as intelligent as him to believe something so completely absurd? Well, he summed up his apparent gullibility by saying, “these days you never know.”

He has a valid point. No matter how absurd I could have made my letter, nor how ‘out there’ I could have made my quirks and demands, there was always the chance it was true. We live in a day where the absurd is no longer absurd. What once was unheard of or ridiculous is quickly becoming commonplace. Just check out your favourite source for news and see if I am wrong. You will be hard pressed to argue with his statement, “these days you never know.”

So there you have it, I have learned that life has just become a little bit harder. No longer can I rely on people’s ability to identify the absurd. No more can I expect something to be thought of as ridiculously unreasonable. No longer can I depend upon people having categories for the nonsensical, ludicrous or insane. However, here is the thing that hurts the most, no more can I use reductio ad absurdum and expect it to be understood. And that’s not funny.

 

 

Wash Your Hands

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Recently during devotions I thought I would ask my children what one must do to be saved.  I find that, although we do catechize our children, it is always good to go back and confirm their understanding.  Here is how the conversation went:

Me: “So what is required for you to be saved and go to Heaven?”

McAuley: “You must repent and put your faith in Jesus.”

Me: “Good job…”

McAuley: “And read your Bible, do good things and go to church.”

Me: “Well actually that is not true.”

McAuley: “Wait I thought we had to do those things.”

Me: “Yes, you do need to repent and put your faith in Jesus Christ.  God also wants us to read His Word, go to church and do good things. However, those things don’t save us.  Let me ask you a question. Do you (usually) wash your hands before a meal?”

Everyone: “Yes.”

Me: “Why do you wash your hands?  Does it make the food cook faster?”

McAuley: “No.”

Me: “Does it make the food taste better?”

McAuley: “No.”

Me: “Then why do you wash your hands before you eat.”

McAuley: “Because you tell us to.”

Me: “Why should you do it because I tell you to?”

McAuley: “Because you are Dad.”

Zayne: “And we should wash our hands because it is good to do. There are lots of germs on our hands, especially McAuley’s.  So washing can help keep us healthy.”

Me: “That’s right. You wash your hands before you eat, not because it cooks the food faster or makes the food taste better, but because I told you to and it’s good for you. In the same way reading the Bible, going to church and doing good things doesn’t make you right with God. We do those things because God tells us to, and it is good for us. We do what He says because He is God, and everything He tells us to do is for our good and His glory.”

Who knew good hygiene would be helpful in explaining theology? Now go wash your hands.

Second Longest Word

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Below you will find the guest post I just did for www.bloggingtheologically.com.  Be sure to stop by and thank Aaron for allowing me to write a guest post for him while he is away on a well deserved vacation.  I hope you enjoy.

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I am about to disclose something that might out me as a closet nerd.  A risky proposition to be sure, but I am willing to take this bullet for the common good.  Having been adequately warned, allow me to share my dirty little secret with you.  I secretly enjoy exploring the etymology of words, specifically the etymology of obscure and peculiar words.  This little quirk of mine manifests itself in the strangest of ways, not the least of which is my tendency to ask, “Do you happen to know the second longest word in the English language?”

I know it’s an odd question.  Convention would be to ask about the longest word.  However, who really cares about a fabricated 45 letter monstrosity (see note below) describing an occupational lung disease?  No one, that’s who.  But when it comes to the second longest word, well that is an entirely different story.   Not only does the 29 letter 18th century word have an amusing origin, but it holds relevance for our daily life.

Floccinaucinihilipilification (click HERE for pronunciation) was coined by the pupils at Eton College.  As they poured over their Eton Latin Grammar text they came across a list of words which in order were: flocci, nauci, nihili, and pili.  All of these Latin words had similar meanings in that they described something of little or no value.  As academics with too much time on their hands tend to do they thought it would be fun to slap all four words together and stick –fication on the end to produce a new noun.  Presto change-o four small words used to describe tiny insignificant things were recycled to form one mega word.  By definition Floccinaucinihilipilificationdescribes the act or habit of regarding something as unimportant, having no value, being totally and utterly worthless.  

Now some might argue that floccinaucinihilipilification describes its own usefulness as a word – utterly worthless.  However, I disagree with that assessment.  Although you will not find it in the Bible, I believe floccinaucinihilipilification is very much a Biblical term.  How, you might ask, could I say that?  Well, the Pauline equivalent can be found in Phil 3:8.

Phil 3:8  Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ

Here we have Paul comparing all of the advantages of his heritage, citizenship and education to rubbish – literally dung – when viewed in the light of the magnificence of knowing Christ.  Paul does not claim the rewards of this world to be of second importance to the knowledge of Christ.  On the contrary, he is practiced at regarding all things – the world’s goods, substance, riches, fame, pleasures and pomp – as valueless in light of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ.

Lest we think Paul is alone in his floccinaucinihilipilification of worldly benefits, let us look to Solomon.  Here was a man who knew the best the world had to offer, and his ultimate verdict was, “Vanity of vanities; all is vanity.”  With all of the world’s imagined worth, imagined pleasure and imagined gain, Solomon could, to quote the Rolling Stones, “get no satisfaction.”  In all of his testing and indulging Solomon discovered something vitally important; the world without Christ is a very unsatisfying place.  Fellow Christian, it would pay for us to remember this lesson well.

Although I have been ‘nerding out’ in this post, I do hope you look beyond that to see the ultimate point of my ramblings.  The Christian life is one marked by judging many things as worthless, not inherently, but comparatively when weighed against all we have in Christ.  Whether it’s the pleasures or the pains (Rom 8:18) of life, both are eclipsed by the glory to be found in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.  This truth should be both treasured and paraded through our hearts as often as possible, lest we forget, and allow the cares of this world to choke out the truths we once held dear (Matt 13:22).  Imagine the freedom to be experienced when you place all things in their proper perspective in Christ.  Armed with your newfound knowledge, you too should go out and ask someone if they know the second longest word in the English language.  It is a powerful concept, and it just might lead to a wonderful witnessing opportunity.

Editors Note:  The longest word in the English dictionary is Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis.  The president of the National Puzzlers’ League created it for the purpose of representing a very large word.  It is another name for a lung disease normally called silicosis.

My Funny Kids 5

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It has been some time since I have posted a batch of funny things my kids have said.  Well, I am about to remedy that right now.  I offer you the fifth instalment of My Funny Kids.

McAuley: “Instead of a nap maybe we could just quietly lay in bed and talk with God.”

Me: “Yeah, & how likely is that going to happen?”

 

McAuley: “Hello Dad. I didn’t break something down stairs. I didn’t.”  Greeting I received when I got home from work.

 

McAuley: “I can’t wait until I am older so I can know what you & mom are talking about.”

 

Me: “Rowan, your mom is full of it.”

Rowan: “Deuce”

Me: “Yes, your mom is full of deuce.”

 

Zayne: “Sometimes I say I am fine when I am really not fine.”  Still not sure if it is hereditary or if you are just taught this from an early age, but all you girls seem to do this.

 

Zayne: “Your tummy is jiggly Dad, but not as jiggly as mom’s.”  My daughter has mastered the fine art of the complisult: part compliment part insult.  

 

McAuley: “I wish there were two of me. One to play my DS, and one that gets to go to church.”

 

McAuley: “When you get cold your hair grows.” – Discovering & coming to terms with goose bumps.

 

Zayne: “Oh thank U so very much for bringing us. And I guess I should probably pray & thank God for letting us go too.”  I can’t remember where we took the kids, but it must have been thanks worthy.

Big Revelation

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Being a father is a wonderful occupation.  One of the perks is being able to witness how God works with each of my kids.  Tonight my son McAuley was talking with his mom about his recent revelation.  Here is my wife’s account of the conversation:

McAuley had a revelation tonight: “God knows everything! He knows what we will do tomorrow, what we’re going to do in our future, when our light bulbs will burn out, when stars will explode…and most importantly, He knows if we are REALLY Christians.” McAuley stopped after he said all that and added… “That kindda makes me nervous mom, because I really believe I am saved, but some days I don’t feel like it and sometimes I don’t act like it. I can be abnoxious sometimes….” It’s an awesome thing when we stop and think about God’s great mercy and His grace. We will never be perfect on this earth….but Salvation is only by His grace and not by anything we can do or feel…pretty awesome thought. Whether you believe it or not, your life is in His hands.

God is making Himself know to a seven year old.  Got to love it.