Tipping Sacred Cow

Some Cows Need Tipping

  • About
    • About Me
    • Statement of Faith
    • FAQ
  • Contact

Powered by Genesis

My Funny Kids 4

October 11, 2012 by Jason Leave a Comment

I apologize for the lack of posts.  With the CFCM conference, and with all the catching up one has after such an event, you can imagine why I wasn’t able to post anything.  In order to make nice I thought I would share some more funny things I have had the privilege of hearing my children say.  I hope you enjoy.

 

McAuley: “They have Cauliflower, do they have Zayneflower?”

 

McAuley: “My God, He is an awesome God. He shows His underwear from heaven above.” His attempt to sing Awesome God,

 

Zayne: “Hello my dad, my one & only dad.”

 

McAuley: “Look at my masterpiece. I actually made four masterpieces.”

Me: “Four masterpieces in one day eh? You have been busy.”

 

Zayne: “I am just thinking how much I love you & how blessed I am to have a dad.” Can’t help but make you feel special.

 

McAuley: “Mom, if I am not talking that means I am not breathing.”

 

McAuley: “Dad, do some spies have Jesus in their heart?”

Me: “Spies are people too.”

 

McAuley: “Someday can I work in a comic book store and sell comics?”

Emily: “Yes, you can work in a comic store, but you will likely never get married.”

 

McAuley: “Dad, some day you are going to die.”

Me: “Yes, and some day you will too.”

McAuley: “Yes, but not at the same time.”

Me: “True, unless of course you’re in the back seat.”

 

McAuley: “What is sarcasm? Is it something you eat?”

Filed Under: Funny, Uncategorized

My Funny Kids 3

September 21, 2012 by Jason Leave a Comment

With all the activity and demands on my schedule this week I thought I would continue the “What’s It Worth” series Monday.  In the meantime I thought you could do with a healthy dose of my reality.  Not to worry, thanks to God and my family, my reality tends to be laced with humorous events.  I hope you enjoy.  Check back in on Monday for the continuation of the “What’s It Worth” series.

 

McAuley: “You. You. You. You have broken the chains, broken the chains.” He was on the toilet yelling this at the top of his lungs.  Not too sure if I should have been worried.

 

McAuley: “It feels like a campfire on my bum.” This statement happened at a different time and has no connection to the last quote.  I just wanted to make sure I clarified that. 

 

Zayne: I don’t ever really have too much on my mind. I’m usually just thinking about being a princess & princess things.

 

Zayne: “Roses are red. Violets are blue. Most of the time I love you. Would you stay for an hour or two?”  This was a poem I overheard as I was walking past her bedroom.

 

Zayne: “Let’s get out of here! We need to fly the kook.” I am sure she meant coop and not some crazy person.

 

Zayne: “Do princesses burp?”

 

McAuley: “I have got some bad news for you. Bees sting you when they are happy.”

 

McAuley: “Dad, I have VISIBLE friends.“

Me: “Thank God for that.”

 

McAuley: “When I am 99 will I be an adult? When I am 200 will I be a grandpa?”

Me: “I sure hope so!”

 

McAuley: “Deliver him from SLUGS God.” We were praying for someone to be delivered from an addiction to drugs. I don’t think McAuley understood, but God did.  I like to think this guy now has an amazing garden as well as a new found freedom from drugs.

 

Filed Under: Funny, Life, Uncategorized

Strange Signs

September 11, 2012 by Jason 2 Comments

I have a sense of humour, and I enjoy laughing at those strange and quirky things that comprise my life.  My family is probably my greatest source of joy and laughter.  However, my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ have provided me with many opportunities to snicker, giggle and guffaw.  Today’s example, pictured below, is one such opportunity.  I just had to pull over and take a picture when I spotted this one.  I like a pithy sign as much as the next guy.  My guess is someone probably though this was a good and catchy slogan.  I am not too sure I agree with them on this one.  Sometimes I wonder if churches really think about what message they are actually sending.  Do you want to go to a church that teaches you how to rub people the “Right Way“?  What are your thoughts?

 

P.s.  I forgot to mention the other side of the sign says “When I said ‘love your neighbour’ I meant it.  God”.  When you read both sides together it REALLY makes you think.

 

Filed Under: Funny

My Funny Kids 2

August 21, 2012 by Jason 1 Comment

With Uproar quickly approaching I figured I would simply share some more golden nuggets from my children.  I believe most of these took place when they were between the ages of 5 and 6.  My kids really do crack me up.  Be sure to check back later this week for something a little more meaty.  Until then, enjoy the frivolity.

 

McAuley: “KISS MY BUM MOMMY!!! I HAVE AN OWIE!!” – Subsequently  Zayne volunteered to kiss it all better.

 

Zayne: “Mommy, did you eat me when I was in your tummy?”

 

Conversation with an older gentleman at the grocery store checkout

Zayne: “Hi. We’re twins.”

Man: “WOW!! You are lucky!”

Zayne: “Yes, we are.”

McAuley: “I have eyes, nose and a mouth!”

Man: “You do?”

Zayne: “Yes, because that’s just the way God made us.  So…do you have any grandchildren?”

Man: “Yes I do. I even have great grandchildren.”

Zayne: “Oh, where do they live?”

Man: “They live in Hamilton.” (Man’s wife walks up)

Zayne: “Oh, is that your Grandma?”

 

Me: “You are so melodramatic.”

McAuley: (Sobbing) “No I am not!”

Me: “Do you even know what that means?”

McAuley: “No.”

 

McAuley:  “Look, it’s Noah!”

Zayne:   “No, McAuley his name is not NOAH, it’s SANTA CLOSET.  Okay?  SANTA CLOSET, McAuley, not Noah.”  For some strange reason McAuley insisted that Santa’s name was Noah, but Zayne figured she knew best and called him Mr. Closet.  

 

McAuley: “Do U know Moses with his colourful coat?”

Zayne: “That wasn’t Moses, that was David.”

 

I came home to find that McAuley had made, and posted, a couple signs for the house.  One read, “No Running in the House” and the other “No Touching Bone People“. Fine rules, but I don’t know why we shouldn’t touch bone people.

 

McAuley: “I pray that the church has Jesus in its heart”. Pretty good prayer. I think he has something there.

 

I was walking upstairs when I heard this conversation coming from the twins room.  It really highlights the differences in male and female thinking.

Zayne: “Yes, you Do look handsome, and I look FANTASTIC!”

McAuley: “I didn’t ask if I looked handsome, I asked if you had pants on!”

 

Filed Under: Funny, Life

My Funny Kids

August 15, 2012 by Jason Leave a Comment

My wife and I have been blessed with three wonderful children.  I absolutely love being a father, but that does not mean that the job does not come with its challenges.  Nor does it mean that you don’t have days you wish you could pack them up and ship them back for a refund. Come on, I brought them into this world why can’t I take them out? However, even on the very worst possible of days, if you were to make a list of the pros and cons, the pros would most definitely eclipse the cons.

One of the many pros (besides the tax benefits) is they make you laugh. Seriously, my kids are hilarious without even trying. They say and do some of the funniest things. They would put the Marx Brothers to shame. I am not too sure where they get it, because it sure didn’t come from me. Just ask my mom, I was a perfect child. I blame my wife, and for that I thank her.

I have taken the liberty of collecting some of the funny things they say, and I have decided to share them with you. However, if I were to include everything funny they said or did this post would be, to say the least, unmanageable. Therefore, I will break it up into a series of posts, and from time to time I will graciously grant you a glimpse into the wacky world I inhabit. I will try my best to share them in chronological order so that you can see the evolution of their humor and their thought processes. Welcome to my world.

 

McAuley: “I did the Big Dirty.”  In reference to his bowel movement.

 

McAuley: “I am coming. Coming like Christmas.”

 

Zayne: “Sometimes accidents happen. And so does ice cream.”  So true.

 

Zayne: After looking in her piggybank, “I have tons of these! What are they?”

Mom: “Those are Loonies.” (Loony = what Canadians call their $1 coin)

Zayne: “Are they special?”

Mom: “Yes!”

Zayne: “Wow!”

 

McAuley: “I know I am hungry, my leg hurts.”  ???

 

McAuley: “My lips hurt.  Can I have some Lap Chip?” I am fairly sure he meant Lip Chap.  Unless he was hungry for chips, because as previously noted different parts of his body hurt when he is hungry.

 

Zayne: “Remember when we were caught in that snow storm? It was either in Toronto or Saskatoon, I always get the two confused.”   Yeah, I tend to confuse the two as well.

 

McAuley:  “Dad, I found some food on the floor. I gave it to Rowan after I picked the hair off of it.”  Don’t worry, Rowan survived the incident.

 

Zayne: “I love this game.”

Me: “You don’t love it, you like it.”

McAuley: “That’s right. We love things like God, the Bible, and my hair.”

 

McAuley:  “Hey dad, I never saw these before. They must have just grew here.”   He was standing before me shirtless and was pointing at his nipples, which he had apparently just discovered.  I can’t believe it took him five years.

 

Zayne:  “I know how to stay alive.  Keep breathing, keep your eyes open, and keep moving.”  Pretty good advice for a five year old.

 

McAuley:  The kids are upstairs playing with my niece when McAuley runs down, “Sniff… Sniff…The girls want to rule the world. I just want to be the prettiest.”

 

To Be Continued

 

Filed Under: Funny, Life

  • « Previous Page
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3

Search

Archives