With Uproar quickly approaching I figured I would simply share some more golden nuggets from my children.  I believe most of these took place when they were between the ages of 5 and 6.  My kids really do crack me up.  Be sure to check back later this week for something a little more meaty.  Until then, enjoy the frivolity.

 

McAuley: “KISS MY BUM MOMMY!!! I HAVE AN OWIE!!” – Subsequently  Zayne volunteered to kiss it all better.

 

Zayne: “Mommy, did you eat me when I was in your tummy?”

 

Conversation with an older gentleman at the grocery store checkout

Zayne: “Hi. We’re twins.”

Man: “WOW!! You are lucky!”

Zayne: “Yes, we are.”

McAuley: “I have eyes, nose and a mouth!”

Man: “You do?”

Zayne: “Yes, because that’s just the way God made us.  So…do you have any grandchildren?”

Man: “Yes I do. I even have great grandchildren.”

Zayne: “Oh, where do they live?”

Man: “They live in Hamilton.” (Man’s wife walks up)

Zayne: “Oh, is that your Grandma?”

 

Me: “You are so melodramatic.”

McAuley: (Sobbing) “No I am not!”

Me: “Do you even know what that means?”

McAuley: “No.”

 

McAuley:  “Look, it’s Noah!”

Zayne:   “No, McAuley his name is not NOAH, it’s SANTA CLOSET.  Okay?  SANTA CLOSET, McAuley, not Noah.”  For some strange reason McAuley insisted that Santa’s name was Noah, but Zayne figured she knew best and called him Mr. Closet.  

 

McAuley: “Do U know Moses with his colourful coat?”

Zayne: “That wasn’t Moses, that was David.”

 

I came home to find that McAuley had made, and posted, a couple signs for the house.  One read, “No Running in the House” and the other “No Touching Bone People“. Fine rules, but I don’t know why we shouldn’t touch bone people.

 

McAuley: “I pray that the church has Jesus in its heart”. Pretty good prayer. I think he has something there.

 

I was walking upstairs when I heard this conversation coming from the twins room.  It really highlights the differences in male and female thinking.

Zayne: “Yes, you Do look handsome, and I look FANTASTIC!”

McAuley: “I didn’t ask if I looked handsome, I asked if you had pants on!”

 

My wife and I have been blessed with three wonderful children.  I absolutely love being a father, but that does not mean that the job does not come with its challenges.  Nor does it mean that you don’t have days you wish you could pack them up and ship them back for a refund. Come on, I brought them into this world why can’t I take them out? However, even on the very worst possible of days, if you were to make a list of the pros and cons, the pros would most definitely eclipse the cons.

One of the many pros (besides the tax benefits) is they make you laugh. Seriously, my kids are hilarious without even trying. They say and do some of the funniest things. They would put the Marx Brothers to shame. I am not too sure where they get it, because it sure didn’t come from me. Just ask my mom, I was a perfect child. I blame my wife, and for that I thank her.

I have taken the liberty of collecting some of the funny things they say, and I have decided to share them with you. However, if I were to include everything funny they said or did this post would be, to say the least, unmanageable. Therefore, I will break it up into a series of posts, and from time to time I will graciously grant you a glimpse into the wacky world I inhabit. I will try my best to share them in chronological order so that you can see the evolution of their humor and their thought processes. Welcome to my world.

 

McAuley: “I did the Big Dirty.”  In reference to his bowel movement.

 

McAuley: “I am coming. Coming like Christmas.”

 

Zayne: “Sometimes accidents happen. And so does ice cream.”  So true.

 

Zayne: After looking in her piggybank, “I have tons of these! What are they?”

Mom: “Those are Loonies.” (Loony = what Canadians call their $1 coin)

Zayne: “Are they special?”

Mom: “Yes!”

Zayne: “Wow!”

 

McAuley: “I know I am hungry, my leg hurts.”  ???

 

McAuley: “My lips hurt.  Can I have some Lap Chip?” I am fairly sure he meant Lip Chap.  Unless he was hungry for chips, because as previously noted different parts of his body hurt when he is hungry.

 

Zayne: “Remember when we were caught in that snow storm? It was either in Toronto or Saskatoon, I always get the two confused.”   Yeah, I tend to confuse the two as well.

 

McAuley:  “Dad, I found some food on the floor. I gave it to Rowan after I picked the hair off of it.”  Don’t worry, Rowan survived the incident.

 

Zayne: “I love this game.”

Me: “You don’t love it, you like it.”

McAuley: “That’s right. We love things like God, the Bible, and my hair.”

 

McAuley:  “Hey dad, I never saw these before. They must have just grew here.”   He was standing before me shirtless and was pointing at his nipples, which he had apparently just discovered.  I can’t believe it took him five years.

 

Zayne:  “I know how to stay alive.  Keep breathing, keep your eyes open, and keep moving.”  Pretty good advice for a five year old.

 

McAuley:  The kids are upstairs playing with my niece when McAuley runs down, “Sniff… Sniff…The girls want to rule the world. I just want to be the prettiest.”

 

To Be Continued