Tipping Sacred Cow

Some Cows Need Tipping

What’s It Worth?

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My world view drastically changed when I got my first job. Up until that point in my life I had never given much thought to how much things actually cost. If your childhood was anything like mine, your parents financially provided for all your necessities, and within limits, your desires. “Oblivious” is probably the best word to describe our childhood understanding of economics and the law of supply and demand. However, in the process of time we all hit the magical age when we are eligible to apply for our first real job, whereupon fiscal realities promptly slap us in the face.

I am guessing my experience was not unlike yours. Once I emerged as a “Working Man” it became my responsibility to purchase, or contribute money towards, anything I wanted that fell outside of the realm of necessity. No longer could I arbitrarily request my parents buy me something, instead I was required to be intimately involved in the transaction. All of a sudden my young mind was forced to do mathematical gymnastics in order to understand the real cost of things. Rapidly I came to understand that in a very real way those numbers on my paycheck equated to my time, sweat and effort.

In the same way price tags ceased to be simply numbers, but instead began to represent valuable allotments of time. My thinking quickly became, “Do I really want to trade four hours for that movie?” or, “Are those shoes really worth a week of my life?” This was the beginning of my understanding of “worth”. The price tag might be telling me those shoes are worth $140, but they were not worth that to me. All of a sudden the things I formerly “couldn’t live without” became luxuries I could in fact live without. Funny how that goes when your money is on the line.

So what was going on here? Did those item cease to be valuable, or was there something else in play? Did the intrinsic worth of a pair of shoes really change, or was I simply cheap? Well, I am not going to answer those questions today. Instead I am simply going to use todays post as a teaser. It is my plan to lead into a series of posts which will explore the idea of value and worth. What makes something valuable, and what determines that value? How does God determine worth, and how does man? Be sure to come back Monday as we begin to explore the criteria of determining value.

Strange Signs

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I have a sense of humour, and I enjoy laughing at those strange and quirky things that comprise my life.  My family is probably my greatest source of joy and laughter.  However, my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ have provided me with many opportunities to snicker, giggle and guffaw.  Today’s example, pictured below, is one such opportunity.  I just had to pull over and take a picture when I spotted this one.  I like a pithy sign as much as the next guy.  My guess is someone probably though this was a good and catchy slogan.  I am not too sure I agree with them on this one.  Sometimes I wonder if churches really think about what message they are actually sending.  Do you want to go to a church that teaches you how to rub people the “Right Way“?  What are your thoughts?

 

P.s.  I forgot to mention the other side of the sign says “When I said ‘love your neighbour’ I meant it.  God”.  When you read both sides together it REALLY makes you think.

 

Uproar Is Over

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Well, Uproar is finally over, and by all accounts it was a success.  For those of you who are unfamiliar with Uproar, it is our summer children’s outreach program.  Every year we  put on a camp for the children in our community, and we try to jam as much fun and Word into it as humanly possible.  It is probably the most taxing, and rewarding week in our local assembly’s schedule, and I get to be a part of it.

Typically I work with the more mature sect in our church.  However, due to my past years of experience in children’s ministry, I guess I have acquired a set of “skills” which have made me of some use.  In particular I have learned my way around a puppet.  Yes, I said puppet.  You would think as modern and relevant as the church attempts to be there would be very little demand for the Old School arts, but the kids absolutely love it.

Since it is very unlikely that any of the children I work with would be reading this, I feel safe in revealing a secret.  I am Goober.  It feels good to finally admit it.  Not too sure who or what a Goober is?  Well, Goober is a recurring character I do.  He is a purple monster who happens to have a penchant for saying all the wrong things, and for “Pull My Finger” jokes.  Basically he is the kind of monster you like the hang out with, but you may not want to introduce him to your grandmother.  The kids absolutely love him.

Typically when Goober makes an appearance the question of the puppeteers identity inevitably comes up.  Most adults are surprised to find out it is me.  His voice and character are so far removed from mine they never put the two of us together.  The kids are always left wondering.  However, this year one child got pretty close to the truth.  I overheard her talking with a counselor saying, “I think Mr. Tucker is Goober.  I just don’t know how he gets into that small costume.”  Close, but no cigar.  I guess the mystery lives on.

 

– Now that Uproar is over I can actually start posting more meaningful stuff.

My Funny Kids 2

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With Uproar quickly approaching I figured I would simply share some more golden nuggets from my children.  I believe most of these took place when they were between the ages of 5 and 6.  My kids really do crack me up.  Be sure to check back later this week for something a little more meaty.  Until then, enjoy the frivolity.

 

McAuley: “KISS MY BUM MOMMY!!! I HAVE AN OWIE!!” – Subsequently  Zayne volunteered to kiss it all better.

 

Zayne: “Mommy, did you eat me when I was in your tummy?”

 

Conversation with an older gentleman at the grocery store checkout

Zayne: “Hi. We’re twins.”

Man: “WOW!! You are lucky!”

Zayne: “Yes, we are.”

McAuley: “I have eyes, nose and a mouth!”

Man: “You do?”

Zayne: “Yes, because that’s just the way God made us.  So…do you have any grandchildren?”

Man: “Yes I do. I even have great grandchildren.”

Zayne: “Oh, where do they live?”

Man: “They live in Hamilton.” (Man’s wife walks up)

Zayne: “Oh, is that your Grandma?”

 

Me: “You are so melodramatic.”

McAuley: (Sobbing) “No I am not!”

Me: “Do you even know what that means?”

McAuley: “No.”

 

McAuley:  “Look, it’s Noah!”

Zayne:   “No, McAuley his name is not NOAH, it’s SANTA CLOSET.  Okay?  SANTA CLOSET, McAuley, not Noah.”  For some strange reason McAuley insisted that Santa’s name was Noah, but Zayne figured she knew best and called him Mr. Closet.  

 

McAuley: “Do U know Moses with his colourful coat?”

Zayne: “That wasn’t Moses, that was David.”

 

I came home to find that McAuley had made, and posted, a couple signs for the house.  One read, “No Running in the House” and the other “No Touching Bone People“. Fine rules, but I don’t know why we shouldn’t touch bone people.

 

McAuley: “I pray that the church has Jesus in its heart”. Pretty good prayer. I think he has something there.

 

I was walking upstairs when I heard this conversation coming from the twins room.  It really highlights the differences in male and female thinking.

Zayne: “Yes, you Do look handsome, and I look FANTASTIC!”

McAuley: “I didn’t ask if I looked handsome, I asked if you had pants on!”

 

My Funny Kids

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My wife and I have been blessed with three wonderful children.  I absolutely love being a father, but that does not mean that the job does not come with its challenges.  Nor does it mean that you don’t have days you wish you could pack them up and ship them back for a refund. Come on, I brought them into this world why can’t I take them out? However, even on the very worst possible of days, if you were to make a list of the pros and cons, the pros would most definitely eclipse the cons.

One of the many pros (besides the tax benefits) is they make you laugh. Seriously, my kids are hilarious without even trying. They say and do some of the funniest things. They would put the Marx Brothers to shame. I am not too sure where they get it, because it sure didn’t come from me. Just ask my mom, I was a perfect child. I blame my wife, and for that I thank her.

I have taken the liberty of collecting some of the funny things they say, and I have decided to share them with you. However, if I were to include everything funny they said or did this post would be, to say the least, unmanageable. Therefore, I will break it up into a series of posts, and from time to time I will graciously grant you a glimpse into the wacky world I inhabit. I will try my best to share them in chronological order so that you can see the evolution of their humor and their thought processes. Welcome to my world.

 

McAuley: “I did the Big Dirty.”  In reference to his bowel movement.

 

McAuley: “I am coming. Coming like Christmas.”

 

Zayne: “Sometimes accidents happen. And so does ice cream.”  So true.

 

Zayne: After looking in her piggybank, “I have tons of these! What are they?”

Mom: “Those are Loonies.” (Loony = what Canadians call their $1 coin)

Zayne: “Are they special?”

Mom: “Yes!”

Zayne: “Wow!”

 

McAuley: “I know I am hungry, my leg hurts.”  ???

 

McAuley: “My lips hurt.  Can I have some Lap Chip?” I am fairly sure he meant Lip Chap.  Unless he was hungry for chips, because as previously noted different parts of his body hurt when he is hungry.

 

Zayne: “Remember when we were caught in that snow storm? It was either in Toronto or Saskatoon, I always get the two confused.”   Yeah, I tend to confuse the two as well.

 

McAuley:  “Dad, I found some food on the floor. I gave it to Rowan after I picked the hair off of it.”  Don’t worry, Rowan survived the incident.

 

Zayne: “I love this game.”

Me: “You don’t love it, you like it.”

McAuley: “That’s right. We love things like God, the Bible, and my hair.”

 

McAuley:  “Hey dad, I never saw these before. They must have just grew here.”   He was standing before me shirtless and was pointing at his nipples, which he had apparently just discovered.  I can’t believe it took him five years.

 

Zayne:  “I know how to stay alive.  Keep breathing, keep your eyes open, and keep moving.”  Pretty good advice for a five year old.

 

McAuley:  The kids are upstairs playing with my niece when McAuley runs down, “Sniff… Sniff…The girls want to rule the world. I just want to be the prettiest.”

 

To Be Continued