Tipping Sacred Cow

Some Cows Need Tipping

The Beans of Grace

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So what should a church do when they find themselves with an abundance of Keurig ® coffee makers? This is the problem that is facing some good friends of mine at a Presbyterian Church here in my town. They had recently purchased a new (well new to them) church building and found its previous occupants had left behind many things, including more Keurigs ® than they know what to do with. Always the type to lend a hand, I took it upon myself to put together a proposal for the Senior Pastor (a friend of mine) to take forward to the Church Elders. The following is the actual proposal I submitted:

Stating The Question Precisely

With the Heavenly Father, in his wisdom and divine providence, having placed in our care such a great abundance of Keurig ® coffee makers, how might we steward said appliances such as to maximize God’s glory and our enjoyment?

Facts & Assumptions

Here are the two ends for the Keurig ® coffee makers : I. The glorifying of God. II. The enjoying of God.

  1. We glorify God by enjoying all of his creation. By good and necessary consequences we are able to deduce that everyone enjoys coffee. Well, everyone except for tea and Diet Pepsi drinkers, which is a subset of the population to be discussed at a later date.
  2. We glorify God by propagating the gospel. In order to propagate the gospel two key elements must exist (a) willing and submitted individuals to share the gospel and (b) the resources to support their work.
  3. The scriptures tell us that no one seeks God. Therefore, unrepentant sinners do not typically go to church. This means that in order to share the gospel with the unrepentant sinner, Christians must exert strenuous effort in order to seek them out.
  4. It is observed that saints and sinners can be found congregating in close proximity in coffee shops.
  5. It is also observed that saint and sinner alike are willing to exchange money for coffee.
  6. Money is a resource which can be used to glorify God by funding (a) local expressions of the Bride of Christ and (b) foreign missions.

Proposal

I hereto propose that Grace Presbyterian Church should open up a coffee shop to the Glory of God. If you brew coffee, sinners will come, thus making our evangelism more efficient. They will also bring their money with them (Prov 13:22b), thus helping fund further propagation of the gospel. In addition saint and sinner alike will be enjoying God’s creation of coffee, thus promoting his Glory.

See Attached files for proposed logo design and mockups:

Grace-Cup-logo

Grace-Cup-Mockup

 

I’d love to be a fly on the wall at that meeting if he actually brings it forward.

When Absurd is No Longer Absurd

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I have learned something very important about trying to be funny in today’s culture. However, before I share with you my well-learned lesson, I should take time to set the stage. Bring you in on my lesson, so to speak.

A friend of mine invited me to carpool to an upcoming event with a group of fellow ministers. Today, I happened to receive an email from one of those ministers asking if I would be willing to share in the driving duties. I was more than willing to help, so I planned to respond in the affirmative. However, being the way that I am, I also thought it would be fun to add a little humour to my response. In crafting the email I figured that I had to add just enough absurdity so that it would be both funny and obvious to the reader that I was joking. Here is what I wrote:

Hi Bob, (Name changed to protect the innocent)

Before I commit to driving I must disclose some minor quirks you might find in my personality. I will totally understand if after hearing what they are you choose to pick someone else to assist you in driving. Here we go:

1) When driving I must have COMPLETE control of the radio. Because of my short attention span I will switch stations every 30 seconds. I hope this will not be a problem.
2) I don’t like to use cruise control. Instead I pulse the gas pedal as I drive. Anyone who is prone to seasickness should likely bring medication.
3) I am attracted to shiny moving objects, which means I tend to swerve into oncoming traffic. Therefore, it is likely best if we take deserted/secluded dirt roads, or at the very least do so when I am driving.
4) I suffer from night terrors, which strangely enough only manifest when I am awake. Don’t worry, most of my passengers have told me they quickly become accustomed to the shrieks of terror. I only warn you, as the first dozen or so times this happens can be a little disconcerting for the uninitiated.
5) I suffer from OCD.
5) I suffer from OCD.
5) I suffer from OCD.

I am more than willing to help drive if you are still willing to have me – even after having disclosed all my minor quirks. As the day gets closer please be sure to remind me about our 10am appointment at Enterprise.

In Him
Jason

Well, it was obvious from his response I had failed miserably. He totally thought I was serious, and graciously offered to find someone else to drive. I quickly crafted a follow up email explaining my failed attempt at humour and reiterated my willingness to help drive. He admitted I had totally ‘got him’. So how in the world could that happen? How could I get a person as intelligent as him to believe something so completely absurd? Well, he summed up his apparent gullibility by saying, “these days you never know.”

He has a valid point. No matter how absurd I could have made my letter, nor how ‘out there’ I could have made my quirks and demands, there was always the chance it was true. We live in a day where the absurd is no longer absurd. What once was unheard of or ridiculous is quickly becoming commonplace. Just check out your favourite source for news and see if I am wrong. You will be hard pressed to argue with his statement, “these days you never know.”

So there you have it, I have learned that life has just become a little bit harder. No longer can I rely on people’s ability to identify the absurd. No more can I expect something to be thought of as ridiculously unreasonable. No longer can I depend upon people having categories for the nonsensical, ludicrous or insane. However, here is the thing that hurts the most, no more can I use reductio ad absurdum and expect it to be understood. And that’s not funny.

 

 

Happy Mother’s Day

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This one goes out to all the mothers out there. I may not have written this song, but rest assured the sentiments are truly mine.  Happy Mother’s Day!

 

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The Future of Praise

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I apologize for the lack of posts.  Sometimes life places demands on your time which can not be avoided.  Such is my life at the moment.  However, to make up I have discovered the next “Big Thing” in praise.  I think I have something here every church should incorporate in their Sunday worship. The outfit might be a hard sell, but the moves are pure gold. Check it out.

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